KKR and match fixing

Here is a joke I picked up from somewhere...

A bookie calls Shane Warne before the match between Kolkata KnightRiders and Rajasthan Royals.Cell phone rings. Warne picks up.

Warne : hello
Bookie : I am ….... Here.
Warne : yes tell me
Bookie : how is the pitch
Warne : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to loose today’s match
Warne : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Warne : will be difficult to make KKR win.
Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Warne : May be I could help you by reducing the margin… u tell by what margin we should win… will be much more easier
Bookie : no KKR should win
Warne : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Warne : OK.
Bookie : what will be the score
Warne : 200, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 120
Warne : Impossible. Agarkar and Kartik are playing.
Bookie : 120 no change.
Warne : I will try
Bookie : OK. If KKR bat first
Warne : 110
Bookie: no make it 175
Warne : no u are asking too much. Akash Chopra is opening.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000
Warne : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Warne : yes
Bookie : bye.

Match starts KKR bats first. KKR score only 120 in 20 overs. During the lunch break Shane’s cell rings.

Warne : hello
Bookie : its me. why did KKR score only 120. Our deal was 175.
Warne : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots… I mean, if there is any… exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Knight Riders are too good at this , I tried re-arranging the field…but they never miss a fielder.
Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 53 extras.
Warne : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Smith and Asnodkar bowl.
Bookie : Okay… leave that… I want u to loose the match.
Warne : I will try.
Bookie : Rajasthan Royals should be all out for 110
Warne : OK.
Bookie : bye.

Rajasthan Royals bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can’t stop themselves from running.All Rajasthan Royals batsmen charged down to Kartik’s bowling and they purposely miss the ball hoping at least onewould hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as McCullum is still searching for the ball . Inspite of the bad display of batting, they score 118 of 19 overs. Last over, 3 runsrequired, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over. Warne is batting with Carseldine. Bookie gets really furious.Warne is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).

Warne : hello
Bookie : its me! . What are you upto ?
Warne : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match
Warne : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don’t know… u are loosing

Agarkar bowls… Warne tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.(cell rings)

Warne : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.
Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don’t take last two runs.

Warne talks to Carseldine. Agarkar bowls… a juicy full toss. Carseldine uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level.(cell rings)

Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don’t know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u’r bat to the umpire.
Warne : OK. OK. Don’t worry this time I will! see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single.

Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. RR wins the match.Bookie goes mad and Shane warne faints in the field itself...

Moral – With a team like KKR, who needs to fix a match.

Phd Movies

1. Me Mare Guide or वो
2. Phd se post doc tak
3. I know what you did last semester
4. Graduate another day
5. Mr and Mrs Ph.D
6. A Phd's life
7. Hum Honge Graduate
8. Eternal Measurements of the thoughtless Mind
9. In Pursuit of Phd
10. Guide ka saaya
11. Kyu ki advisor bhi kabhi student tha
12. Roti kapda aur thesis
13. Honey, I ditched my guide
14. Munna bhai Ph.D
15. Committee maan jayegi
16. The lost weekend
17. How to lose an advisor in 10 days
18. Advisor to pagal hai
19. Plagarism kiya to darna kya
20. Jaane bhi do, advisor

Grad student survival guide

Genaral tips:

1) Free food is everywhere. Just keep your eyes and ears open.

2) Have a steady supply of instant ramen, instant coffee instant blah blah blah...

3) Always attend career fairs. There would always be goodies to pick up.

4) Lecture hours are usually meant for sleeping.

5) Always do assignments at the very last minute. Chances are - somebody has done it already.

6) Always take courses with big project components. Then find a hardworking partner.

7) Only fools buy software. What are your friends in India for?

If you are a TA(teaching assistant):

1) Always grade leniently. You don't want anybody complaining and having to regrade.

2) Use your office hours to grade assignments. Don't let it take valuable time from your schedule.

3) Avoid setting questions which have many possible answers. Remember, you are the one who has to grade it.

4) Make good use of the printer and copier.

5) If you are single - There are always cute undergrad chicks.

If you are a RA(Research assistant):

1) The advisor is always right

2) If the advisor is wrong then look at rule 1

3) Graphs are your best friend.

4) It doesn't matter what you have done. It matters what you say you are going to do.

Courtesy: www.phdcomics.com

Interesting status messages

1) If u can't dazzle the damsels with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. (formula supposed to work in my college, as reported by some)

2) Only 20% boys have brains. Rest have girlfriends. (Don't agree)

3) Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans. (??? a bit twisted for me)

4) If you think you can, you are right. if you think you cannot, you are right. (Very true)

5) There is nothing called innocence. Only degrees of guilt. (Hmm... Interesting thought)

6) Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking. (Seems the safest way to learn from mistakes)

7) If at first you don't succeed...Destroy all evidences that you ever tried and then try again. (Hmm...Makes sense)

more to come...